Since she retired, I think she's been more and more progressively bored. She has always been a type-A go-getting person and letting other people do the work doesn't work for her, she doesn't know how to do it.

We've invited them up for New Year's, and I've been getting so many messages from her about it. "I've got all this stuff for entertaining the children, can I bring it?" "I've got lemons for the children to make lemonade on New Year's, won't that be fun?" "I found all this food in my freezer, can I bring it to your house for New Year's?" "Going to Costco, want me to pick up anything to bring to your party?"

My husband and I already had plans for activities, food, drink, etc. I don't mind her contributing, but I have the feeling that if I let her, she's going to end up hosting this party for me in my house! I'm trying to be laid-back, accommodating, gracious, nice, etc. because well, I feel a bit churlish telling her to back off when she's just trying to be helpful.

I'm compromising by trying to come up with useful stuff she can do/bring to keep her occupied while maintaining control. I don't know what else to do. To be honest I hope she'll get some inspiration and decide to throw her own party at her own house next year.

 

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I tell my MIL if she want to help she can go socialize and stay out of my way.

After last year at a both family event when she and my wife's grandmother started clearing food etc and putting it away..

I told them to go sit down because they're making people feel like they need to leave.

It's kind of sad to see retired people not knowing what to do with themselves and desperate for activity. Take her skydiving or something, help her get it out of her system. Get someone to drive her around various places from the moment she arrives to the morning before the party.

 

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If you already know what your serving and what activities you want to offer for the party then why not just tell her "We have this, this and this planned, would you like to pick something off the list to help with?" That way she is doing stuff to lessen your work for it rather than increasing the stress involved.

A simple 'No thanks, I've got it all handled.' usually works with my type A mother in law.

Silver

 

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You can't stop my MIL, you can only contain her. When we were in London on vacation, she cleaned and reorganized our garage, did a crapload of yard work, and even ironed all my shirts. Including my white undershirts. :\ She's a beast when you let her get going.

 

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Make it very aware that your would feel good in her butt.


Problem solved?

 

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tell her to bring an appetizer (dessert, side dish etc) and that is all that is needed.

 

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who uses the word churlish?

 

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I'm pretty sure Accident doesn't have a